Lets Listen to.. your HEART

Always had back pains now and again, never bothered to check. Since i was looking for an excuse to skip work, so i dropped by Klinik Global. Maybe my little cough and selsema will combine too for an MC.

A very makcik2 looking Dr attended me and straight away looked at me hands and nails and held them.

My fingers never went clubbing.. i think.

"eh mmg kuku selalu mcmni ke?" she looked surprised and examines her own. (Should Doctors do that?)

Anyway she explains nails like mine only happens to people with heart problems.
"HEART PROBLEMS!!?" In Capital RED.
Not heart attacks drop dead kind of problems but..

"Macam jantung berlubang. Selalunya dari kecik dah detect, tapiii.. Maybe awak punya tak serious sgt pasal tu awak HIDUP lagi sampai skrg. Hehehe"

I laughed with her. kahkahkahkah.

Dr Makcik proceeded to Listen to my Heart. S l o w l y. And repeat. And again. And again with a concerned look all over her face.

And she put the statescope on herself too! Huh??
(Maybe checking that its working).

"erm.. erm.. mmg bunyi lain skit la jantung awak. Tapi jgn worry ya adik, buat check up lah nanti kita refer kat specialist... bla bla bla"

No im not worried, Dr Makcik. With all due respect, how come countless other Drs never said anything then? .. Somehow this felt exciting.

Wow I could be just like Marc Vivien Foe, but me, dropping dead in the middle of the futsal pitch just after scoring that screamer. And i'd be in FOURFOURTWO Malaysian edition RM9.00, maybe a small spot in FOURFOURTWO UK, 3quid.

"Ampang Sunday League Futsal player drops dead after scoring".

Ok maybe i dont score that much and never played in a League. Well that's journalism spicing things up. And i dont wanna die on a Sunday.

Nauzubillah. i dont wanna die on a footie pitch. God Willing, i want to die on a Friday, Amin. So thats like any +7 days from the day my heart sounded funny. Heh.

Jokes aside, as i left Klinik Global, i felt a mild pain on my left side chest.
Oh ho ho what was that?!

Lets Listen to Noise

When listening to music, more times than not, I'll be clueless to whats being sung. And the fact that i seriously collect and listen to big chunk of tunes, makes me a bit dumb dumb eh? Take for instance bon jovi's cheesy lyrics.. erm i dont know the title but it goes

I'll be there for you,
these five words i swear to you,
when you breathe i'll be the air for you,
i'll be there for you.

So there i was counting, 1, 2, 3, 4.. hey how come "when you breathe i'll be the air for you" is only FIVE words?!

Maybe that's why i just take in the emotions of the song, the crashing drums, pounding bass line, the rythmic guitars bla bla. And i stay off Bon Jovi. Or other cheesy lyrics including those in mother tounge. Coz ill understand them sometimes so clearly it makes me cringe.

Tapi, must admit those bands from our neighbour do make some nice ones. Their poetic words just strike you down and grips a bit tight and makes heavy round the chest or ache in the belly. The simple description of clapping with one hand lah, and other sticky matters of the heart, can really strike the nail on the head. urgh..I think i'll pass. Dont want music to remind me of reality!

Mogwai's Friend of the Night

So ill stick with these shoegazers, space rock, whatever, that just make tunes without words. They build walls of sonic noise with soundscapes that soars and dives across planes and spaces for our minds to decipher. Sukahatilah nak rasa apa. NO singing, even if there was, its just like another instrument.

Now, Lets close our eyes and listen to this noise.

The Huggables

Those rascals lapping it up for the webbycam

Sigh..Now I think I dont hug them enough.

Matahari dan Awan

Last night for the first time ever, I dreamt of Flying.

woohoohooo! Phuket, August 2006

Yeah not exactly flying without wings, (like me sister who fly through buildings and over mountains, through the air in her dreams-supposedly cause she's so care free hmpfh) but with the safety of a parachute. But i was going very high and fast. It was quite euphoric, i might just be smiling.

That's weird coz semenjak 2 menjak ni its been far from carefree. Awan mendung berarak, with the occasional Matahari coming out for a few moments, sometimes a couple of hours, sometimes only under 10 minutes. Pelangi forms too in that short span of time, but all the time, out of nowhere rolling Guruh steals the show. Berrreboom.. but with no Hujan. Not yet?

Not ever I hope.

So, when the Matahari do come out, we should thank God. And make full use of it. Bright shiny days makes for happy smily faces. Altough at the same time, Hujan itu Rahmat. It makes us think (rationally we hope) about the blessings that we never fail to receive day in day out. Sometimes the Hujan also knock us into conciousness to never take things for granted.

To state the obvious, the very thing that makes us happy, gives us joy, actually are the same things that CAN break our hearts and plunge us into anguish. Just like a studying mother missing her daughters back home wiping away tears while watching them making faces on the webcam or a father's lament we've all heard on tv "anak2 ni tak tau kita sayang kan dia", while his rempit son struggles with his crutches.

Sigh. Life's like that...Oh its not just about parents and offsprings, its everything else also. The one that makes us HAPPY is the reason for our SADNESS too.

So there i was feeling the wind in my hair, spreading out in the clouds, was just about to fly over the mountains to the open sea, when the parachute just snapped. Euphoria turns to Nightmare. Free falling at speed, felt like peeing! And then i sharp pain on my back.

Rupa2nya those 3 wee sisters making faces on the webcam was jumping on me, pulling me out of bed and running away laughing!

You little ruscals!